Secret Clearance Question

Dear Auntie Mae and Judith,
I have a secret clearance and my boss wants me to apply for a top secret clearance, but I smoke a lot of pot. What should I do to protect my job?
Puff Puff Pass

Dear Puff Puff
Give up the weed if you want the job in question. If both are important to you , you can always ask your boss over to a social setting get on the subject of weed and if your Boss has no problems have a doobie on standby.. But the answer to your question is really in front of you, which do you want or need more? Ask your boss for more time to think about it if you are unsure and try to pair your habit down so you can make a better decision.. Good luck (Oh and by the way can I have a toke??)
Judith

Dear Puff Puff,
Do you want a Top Secret Clearance? In order to keep your job do you need to have the higher clearance? If so, then you need to pass on the puff puff or look for a different job, If you don't need the clearance, just ask if you can stay where you are at. As some point you may have to evaluate your need for pot and your need for you job.
Auntie Mae

Attention from the Ladies

Dear Auntie Mae and Judith,

I am a gay man who has finally found a job after 18 months of unemployment working with an organization that would fire me if they knew. Many of the women in my office are single and if they aren't hitting on me, want to set me up with their friends. How do I stay undercover until I can find a job with a better company?
From, 

Closet

Dear Closet:
If you are working in an environment that explicitly denies that your sexual orientation or the disclosing of it will get you dismissed from your job well then you certainly are working for people who are infringing on your rights, speak to a lawyer to find out your exact position should your orientation be disclosed in your job place. In the meantime however the best thing one can do to advise any awkward situations and probing questions , pretend that you have struck up an on line love affair in some country far off and your social life is on hold because of the cost of traveling to eventually meet 'the one'. That cancels out most of your problems there and then as far as colleagues trying to trap you into dating them...
Judith

Dear Closet,
Since staying undercover is your plan, maybe you should put a picture of a girl in your office so it looks like you have a serious girlfriend. Tell the ladies, you’d love to date them should you become available, until then, you just don’t have eyes for any of them.
Auntie Mae