ad·vice[ad-vahys] -noun
an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.

1250–1300; late ME advise; r. ME avis (with ad- ad- for a- a-5 ) < OF a vis (taken from the phrase ce m'est a vis that is my impression, it seems to me)

Dear Readers,
Feel free to email us your questions. We promise not to bite, too hard. We don't promise you'll like our advice or even follow it. What we can say is that we will do our best to answer as honestly as we would a good friend.
Mae & Judith

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Secret Clearance Question

Dear Auntie Mae and Judith,
I have a secret clearance and my boss wants me to apply for a top secret clearance, but I smoke a lot of pot. What should I do to protect my job?
Puff Puff Pass

Dear Puff Puff
Give up the weed if you want the job in question. If both are important to you , you can always ask your boss over to a social setting get on the subject of weed and if your Boss has no problems have a doobie on standby.. But the answer to your question is really in front of you, which do you want or need more? Ask your boss for more time to think about it if you are unsure and try to pair your habit down so you can make a better decision.. Good luck (Oh and by the way can I have a toke??)

Dear Puff Puff,
Do you want a Top Secret Clearance? In order to keep your job do you need to have the higher clearance? If so, then you need to pass on the puff puff or look for a different job, If you don't need the clearance, just ask if you can stay where you are at. As some point you may have to evaluate your need for pot and your need for you job.
Auntie Mae

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Attention from the Ladies

Dear Auntie Mae and Judith,
I am a gay man who has finally found a job after 18 months of unemployment working with an organization that would fire me if they knew. Many of the women in my office are single and if they aren't hitting on me, want to set me up with their friends. How do I stay undercover until I can find a job with a better company?

Dear Closet:
If you are working in an environment that explicitly denies that your sexual orientation or the disclosing of it will get you dismissed from your job well then you certainly are working for people who are infringing on your rights, speak to a lawyer to find out your exact position should your orientation be disclosed in your job place. In the meantime however the best thing one can do to advise any awkward situations and probing questions , pretend that you have struck up an on line love affair in some country far off and your social life is on hold because of the cost of traveling to eventually meet 'the one'. That cancels out most of your problems there and then as far as colleagues trying to trap you into dating them...

Dear Closet,
Since staying undercover is your plan, maybe you should put a picture of a girl in your office so it looks like you have a serious girlfriend. Tell the ladies, you’d love to date them should you become available, until then, you just don’t have eyes for any of them.
Auntie Mae

Sunday, February 27, 2011

To Affair or Not to Affair, That is the Question

Dear Auntie Mae and Judith,
I have gained weight since my marriage five years ago and my husband no longer finds me attractive. I am not obese, but have gained 20lbs but other men still find me attractive, should I have an affair to wake him up?
Ms. Weight Gain

Dear Ms. Weight Gain
Twenty pounds?? First question is has your husband actually said he didn't find you attractive because of your weight gain?? If the answer to this is yes well then you certainly did not know how shallow a man you married five years ago. Aside from the health benefits that you would gain by starting a healthy regime if you want to lose the weight than do so because you want to do it and it makes you happy and not because you're craving attention or physical fulfillment from your husband and having an affair is the wrong kind of attention that you will get from your husband, I mean why don't you just file for a divorce straight away in that case?? Because it will be the perfect excuse he will need once you start an affair to wake him up.

Dear Ms. Weight Gain,
An affair won’t help your marriage. But a healthy dose of self confidence may be needed on your part. I’d say your husband is using the weight to tell you something bigger. You may have to play super sleuth to get to the bottom of this. In the end, it might not be about you at all, and more about him.
Auntie Mae

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Oh No, Alcohol

Dear Auntie Mae and Judith,
I just learned from another mom that my college freshman is drinking at school, what should I do?

Mom of a College Freshman

Dear Mom:
Well before you go in there guns blazing get all your facts correct about the drinking before you challenge them. Teenagers will experiment, it's almost a rite of passage that alcohol and college freshmen will mix at some stage, find out the frequency and apply the right amount of advice and ground rules that need to be adhered too. For example if it was a once off you have to take the approach of ' hey I know you where drinking, and I understand that you will experiment with alcohol with your friends, but it's not cool to get wasted when so much can happen as a result of over excess and your bodies not used to it. You're old enough to know the nasty side of life is just waiting to bite you. In the ass when you least expect it, so don't give it a chance to devour you when you’re half cut ok?

Dear Mom of a College Freshman,
As a parent you could educate your son about the dangers of alcohol and the alcohol abuse. You could further discuss ways of being safe while with others who are drinking as well as his schools drinking policy. Teach your son safety, facts and what to do if he’s ever in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation involving alcohol; then hope your kids has enough brains to play it safe.
Auntie Mae 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Wanting to Comfort

Dear Auntie Mae and Judith,
My religious boss is unhappily married with children, I've tried to be comforting about his situation while being professional, but it is becoming difficult as I think he should seek a divorce. Should I tell him? He is a little naive and very attractive. 
Sign me,
Ms. Comforting  

Dear Ms. Comforting:
Whoa Nelly, hold your horses, a lot of key words are right here in front of me that really should ring alarm bells in you, oh let's see religious is one, children another, naive and attractive - I think I know where you are going with this. They guy might be unhappily married and seems to have strong religious ties if he lets them known or spill out into his professional life, so the very idea that he would instigate divorce proceedings seems unlikely alright coupled with the fact he has children. I can't help thinking that you have entertained the idea more than once that you would be his savior , if you will pardon the pun , in all this, that you will advise him that a loveless marriage is no life for him and unhealthy for the children.. Picture the scenario further, He takes you up on your advice, all the while wrestling with his conscience , morals and children’s emotions as well as the financial implications, you're not going to appear much like a savior in all this scenario ,who's interest are you acting for there? It's a selfish scenario you have emotionally involved yourself in, curtail your Tongue as far as suggesting he call in the divorce lawyer, you have no business in telling him that unless you are a close friend and not a colleague. Do yourself a favor, Friday night, go out with some friends, get a few margaritas, go find a attractive, naive single unattached guy and take up a new hobby, not one of possible home wrecker...

Dear Ms. Comforting: 
No. Feel free to tell him to see a therapist. But if you are keeping things professional, then no, do not tell him anything, no matter how attractive he is. 
Auntie Mae